So, I was listening to the radio on the way home from my therapy appt (yes, I am such a well adjusted person because I see a therapist on a regular basis. My background is in the mental health field so I feel I am just supporting my "peeps" out there) and there was an add for the latest and greatest diet drink. I think it was a drink....they talk so fast and want me to be sure to note that only the first 100 people to call are going to get to participate cuz gosh darn it, if you are person 101, you are out of luck! No diet juice for you!!!
Anyway, what grabbed my attention was the phrase "diet dispair". Why, that could be me! However; any company that thinks that I am dumb enough to believe that only 100 people are going to get their deal is a company that is not going to get my money. But I did have a long thot with myself on my state of diet despair and here is what me, myself, and I came up with.
We feel dispair. I know, deep; right? But there is so much truth in such a small, little word. I have such a feeling of dispair each time I step on that stupid scale and it shows me a number greater than the last number it showed me. I feel dispair each time I tell myself I am going to make good choices regarding food and excercise and I don't. I feel dispair when I think of what my husband has to work with...... I feel dispair when my 4 yr old tells me she doesn't want to be fat like me. I feel a lot of dispair.
I'm a pretty religious gal and I truly believe that in the scriptures when Christ says that he will not give us more burdens in our lives than we can handle, I believe Him. So all the more dispair on my part. I believe that my Heavenly Father has given me the tools and strength to accomplish what I need and to overcome any challenge, yet here I sit....fat.....unable to overcome. I hope He doesn't feel as much disappointment in me as I feel in myself.
As I type this I have tears in my eyes. I hope this isn't TMI but I really want to be honest with myself and what I am going thru. I figure that there are many more out there that have similar feelings about themselves as I do. I also use this as a form of accountability for myself. Now I think everyone has read this and is going to be watching all that enters the main portal on my face. I want people to say "hey, look at Marilyn, she did it. I know it was hard for her (cuz she let us all know) and she did it. I can do_____ as well." It may be presumptuous of me to think I could inspire anyone to do anything, but; you never know.
So this has turned into a WAY longer post than intended. And a little more personal than intended....sorry. But, I plan on using this more regularly as a way to find the strength and motivation to accomplish what is probably going to be the hardest challenge of my life. So heres to unloading my trunk of junk and shedding my cloak of dispair.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Lets just say I didn't gain it all back
The title kinda says it all. I am going to go with the positive and say that I did do 10 days and lost 10lbs. Not too bad. I did ease my headaches in the process and give myself a good education on which veggies and fruits make a good juice.
So, my quest-struggle-fight-desire to loose weight and get healthy continues. I am pretty sure that I have coded genes that want to stay fat. I really think my body has some sort of desire to keep the chubby on. I don't know, it's just so frustrating that all the effort in the world doesn't seem make much of a difference.
I'm going to go back to my origional plan of just small steps to a life of health and less of the junky trunk. I just have to keep telling myself that this is something I can do. I CAN DO hard things. Like today, for example; I had a protein shake instead of cereal. I LOVE cereal. So I had it for lunch and dinner. BUT, one good decision is better than no good decisions. Tomorrow will be a protein shake AND a trip to the gym. Howz that for baby steps.
So, as I wage my daily war with myself. I will try to keep in mind that many, many more before me have fought this battle, and many more will after me. So why can I join the ranks of those that won the war (or at least more battles than not).
So, my quest-struggle-fight-desire to loose weight and get healthy continues. I am pretty sure that I have coded genes that want to stay fat. I really think my body has some sort of desire to keep the chubby on. I don't know, it's just so frustrating that all the effort in the world doesn't seem make much of a difference.
I'm going to go back to my origional plan of just small steps to a life of health and less of the junky trunk. I just have to keep telling myself that this is something I can do. I CAN DO hard things. Like today, for example; I had a protein shake instead of cereal. I LOVE cereal. So I had it for lunch and dinner. BUT, one good decision is better than no good decisions. Tomorrow will be a protein shake AND a trip to the gym. Howz that for baby steps.
So, as I wage my daily war with myself. I will try to keep in mind that many, many more before me have fought this battle, and many more will after me. So why can I join the ranks of those that won the war (or at least more battles than not).
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Day 7
Man, talk about testing my limits! I had another hard day. I ran over a screw this morning and my tire was ruined. So $160 later and half the day gone I got a new tire. I did get to go to my favorite grocery store to stock up on more fruits and veggies, so there is the silver lining.
All life stress aside, today was not so bad. I made sure I drank more juice and more water. I didn't feel as hungry and I wasn't as tired as I have been. I did decide to take a bath in the middle of the day. I justified it by calling it a "detox bath". Very necessary when juicing...
I've decided to jot down some things I have learned in the past week of juicing. So here they are (in no particular order):
1. Juicing takes time! Thus I have decided to do it in the evening after the kids have gone to
bed. It makes my morning much easier and I am more prone to stay honest.
2. Never stray far from a bathroom. There is A LOT of liquid flowing thru the body!
3. Do not store veggies at room temp. They go bad much faster. Thus having two refrigerators
is very handy.
4. Whilst juicing, I find that rinsing the juicer half way thru helps to avoid build up of pulp that
ends up in my juice.
5. Celery is not good in juice.
6. Red cabbage, while a beautiful shade of purple, also does not taste so good in juice. But not
as bad a celery.
7. Juice is not so good at room temperature. I don't care if it is better for you that way.
Anyway, that is about it for today. I am pretty sure I can finish out the 10 days, however; I am worried about tomorrow. I have girls night with the friends and there is always lots of my favorite foods. So I think I am going to take some watermellon to snack on. When juiced, watermellon has almost no pulp left over. It is pretty much solid juice. So I figure if I am going to stray, that would be the best way to go. Here's to doing hard things!
All life stress aside, today was not so bad. I made sure I drank more juice and more water. I didn't feel as hungry and I wasn't as tired as I have been. I did decide to take a bath in the middle of the day. I justified it by calling it a "detox bath". Very necessary when juicing...
I've decided to jot down some things I have learned in the past week of juicing. So here they are (in no particular order):
1. Juicing takes time! Thus I have decided to do it in the evening after the kids have gone to
bed. It makes my morning much easier and I am more prone to stay honest.
2. Never stray far from a bathroom. There is A LOT of liquid flowing thru the body!
3. Do not store veggies at room temp. They go bad much faster. Thus having two refrigerators
is very handy.
4. Whilst juicing, I find that rinsing the juicer half way thru helps to avoid build up of pulp that
ends up in my juice.
5. Celery is not good in juice.
6. Red cabbage, while a beautiful shade of purple, also does not taste so good in juice. But not
as bad a celery.
7. Juice is not so good at room temperature. I don't care if it is better for you that way.
Anyway, that is about it for today. I am pretty sure I can finish out the 10 days, however; I am worried about tomorrow. I have girls night with the friends and there is always lots of my favorite foods. So I think I am going to take some watermellon to snack on. When juiced, watermellon has almost no pulp left over. It is pretty much solid juice. So I figure if I am going to stray, that would be the best way to go. Here's to doing hard things!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Day 6
Ahhhhh!!!! Today has been so HARD!! I am walking the "give up on this crap" line. I have had a headache all day. Granted, my day was thrown off when I had to take Kiley to the Urgent Care for stitches. I wasn't planning on being away from home for so long so by the time I got home, I was sick with hunger.
I find that when the day is going poorly, the harder it is. Today was not a good day. Let me do the run down. Again, this is for future recolection so I want to get down some details.
1. Arrived late to Swim lessons
2. Kiley busted chin while swimming
3. Trip to urgent care thus missing an afternoon appt.
4. Ran out of juice and no energy to make more
5. Added a can of VERY spicy tomato sauce to dinner pasta on accident, no pasta for dinner
6. Cut my finger while chopping veggies for juice
7. Juicer crapping out on me (I hope it lasts til I am done with this.....or do I.....)
8. Had to pay bills
I wish I could be like that guy on the documentary where he just spends his 10 days at a vacation rental. Sometimes I feel like I am doing this just hour to hour. If I can just make it for one more hour, then we will see how I am doing and if I can go more.
On a more lighter note. One way I have kept going on this is just that I don't want all those veggies and fruits to go to waste and the fastest way to use them is to juice them. So anyway, that is day six. Oh, and I am down 9 lbs. total. So there's that.
I find that when the day is going poorly, the harder it is. Today was not a good day. Let me do the run down. Again, this is for future recolection so I want to get down some details.
1. Arrived late to Swim lessons
2. Kiley busted chin while swimming
3. Trip to urgent care thus missing an afternoon appt.
4. Ran out of juice and no energy to make more
5. Added a can of VERY spicy tomato sauce to dinner pasta on accident, no pasta for dinner
6. Cut my finger while chopping veggies for juice
7. Juicer crapping out on me (I hope it lasts til I am done with this.....or do I.....)
8. Had to pay bills
I wish I could be like that guy on the documentary where he just spends his 10 days at a vacation rental. Sometimes I feel like I am doing this just hour to hour. If I can just make it for one more hour, then we will see how I am doing and if I can go more.
On a more lighter note. One way I have kept going on this is just that I don't want all those veggies and fruits to go to waste and the fastest way to use them is to juice them. So anyway, that is day six. Oh, and I am down 9 lbs. total. So there's that.
Day 4 & 5
Wow, I am so behind... Mainly all of the days are about the same. I don't know if I am doing this wrong, but I feel hungry all of the time. I try to drink about 3 quarts of juice a day, but I still feel hungry. I also am drinking a lot of water as well. I feel like I am using Motrin way too much.
I have also found that juicing in the morning is really hard to do. I know that keeping fresh juice for a long amount of time is not recomended, but I figure 24 hours max is not too shabby. So I am juicing in the evening when the kids are down and I have more time. It makes me less crabby... Mornings are so busy with 4 kids demanding food of their own.
On a more personal note. I am feeling the force of my addiction. I so love food. I still am trying to come to terms of the extreme depths of this addiction. I am really good at just minimizing and justifying. I can argue with great pursuation that I just like food. Like some like golf, or video games, or scrapbooking. I like food. But the tell tale signs are there. Food gets in the way of my life. In the way of my relationship. It causes me emotional pain and causes me real health issues. I am finding giving up food to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I just miss food! Anyway, that is all I have energy for...
I have also found that juicing in the morning is really hard to do. I know that keeping fresh juice for a long amount of time is not recomended, but I figure 24 hours max is not too shabby. So I am juicing in the evening when the kids are down and I have more time. It makes me less crabby... Mornings are so busy with 4 kids demanding food of their own.
On a more personal note. I am feeling the force of my addiction. I so love food. I still am trying to come to terms of the extreme depths of this addiction. I am really good at just minimizing and justifying. I can argue with great pursuation that I just like food. Like some like golf, or video games, or scrapbooking. I like food. But the tell tale signs are there. Food gets in the way of my life. In the way of my relationship. It causes me emotional pain and causes me real health issues. I am finding giving up food to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I just miss food! Anyway, that is all I have energy for...
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Day 3
Another day, another 2 lbs. I feel pretty good! I did not have a headache when I woke up this morning and I had a lot more energy that I usually do. It felt wonderful to not feel like I need another 4 hours of sleep! I did feel hungry, but it was not so bad. I feel like I may have not had enough juice tho. I had to get all the juicing done before chuch and get the kids fed and ready and there just didn't seem to be enough time. The great thing is that I don't feel like I am at the point of giving up and just digging into a bowl of ice cream. Usually, when discomfort rears its ugly head, I will hold out for a short amount of time (cus I'm strong like that) but then give in (cuz I'm weak like that). This would be the behavior of an addict. I am addicted to food and I know it. So, not feeling like I need to give up is a great place for me to be.
So I decided to not blend my fruits and veggies, but to acually juice them in the juicer. Yesterday I blended them thinking it was going to be easier and I would get the benefit of the whole fruit or veggie. Well, after a chat with a friend and doing a bit more reasearch, I decided to go back to juicing. It does take more time and is more messy, but I do want the benefit of getting the pure juice straight to my blood stream. That would be the simplest way to put it. Anyway, its all juice for me! Not much more to add, I still look forward to getting on the scale tomorrow to see what good results are in store for me!
So I decided to not blend my fruits and veggies, but to acually juice them in the juicer. Yesterday I blended them thinking it was going to be easier and I would get the benefit of the whole fruit or veggie. Well, after a chat with a friend and doing a bit more reasearch, I decided to go back to juicing. It does take more time and is more messy, but I do want the benefit of getting the pure juice straight to my blood stream. That would be the simplest way to put it. Anyway, its all juice for me! Not much more to add, I still look forward to getting on the scale tomorrow to see what good results are in store for me!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Day 2
It's not over yet....but, things are going swimmingly! I was a bit hungry yesterday, but that was fixed with extra juice and a nap. Lets be honest, a nap can cure about any ailment. The good news to go along with this is that I am down 3 lbs. This is not a loss of solid waste, but fat. No solid waste was lost in the past 24 hrs... Heaven knows I have an excess of fat that my body can feed on for an extended period of time.
I've thot a lot about how much I really wanted to share in this blog, and I decided that I would put it all out there. The more open and honest I am, the more accountable I feel. I guess that sharing more makes it more real and exposed. More real seems easier to deal with and address. Make sense? If not, just remember; I have been living off juice for almost two days.... Who knows what will happen in a couple more days.....pictures....??
So here are the physical issues I have been facing:
PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrom). That about says it. I have multiple cysts that grow on my ovaries etc. It is painful, causes a ton of hormone issues and other issues that we don't need to get into here. I think this is the main reason I have not been able to have kids and have had a very difficult time loosing weight. You can learn more here.
Endometriosis: While undergoing surgery to remove one of my cysts, my doctor found some endometriosis. I even have some lovely pictures to show of it. Now this causes real pain on a monthly basis. Also causes fertility issues and messes with hormones. Go here to learn more about that.
Hemmoroids: Nuff said. I'm not even going to put a link cuz if you don't know what it is.....just do some of your own reasearch. Needless to say, constipation is an issue I deal with on a regular basis and the discomfort and pain that goes with the little bobbins on my downstairs are a major source of irritation and pain in my life.
Headaches: Ohhhhh, the headaches! I wake up almost every morning with a headache. Let me say that this morning, I did not! I was very happy about that little change in my morning. I try all kinds of things to help ease the pain: LOTS of pain killers, massage, pressure points, essential oils, water, etc. I am also very resistant to pain killers and other medications, so I have to pound down tons of pills to get any relief.
Joint Pain: I have really bad pain in my knees, back, shoulders, and feet. Mainly my knees and feet. Of course, I am a mom and am walking around, carrying kids, cleaning etc. every day. This does not help things. The main reason for so much pain is my weight. My poor knees and feet are just tuckered out carrying around this much weight.
Fatigue: I'm too tired to write any more...... No seriously, I am always tired. For the past 3-4 months I have been naping almost every day. I can't seem to make it thru the day without a nap. I am always so tired. Again, see above issues that are adding to my fatigue problem. I know my poor health plays a part in this.
So, there it is. In all it's glory. Just two months ago I had my physical and the Dr. recommended I get on a program to loose weight, but as mentioned earlier in the blog, that is not so easy for me. I do feel blessed that I don't have other health issues related to my weight such as high blood pressure, high cholestrol, diabetes, heart disease, etc. So, I am going to take it back old school. REAL OLD school. Like when folks lived off fruits and veggies cuz there was not always meat to eat. And since I don't want to join the ranks of those who suffered scurvy while going to the old school, I am going to consume LOTS of fruits and veggies and the best way to do so is by juicing them and allowing my body to absorb the nutrients right into the blood stream.
Now, I know that juicing can be controversial. I know that it can be extreme. I know that people can be very opinionated on such topics. However, no one seemed to be concerned (or voice concern), or opinionated while I was stuffing my face with toxic sugars, fats, preservitives, and calories. All of which have done my body a lot of harm. So, I would ask that as I am making an effort to cleanse all that crap from my body, that I get support and encouragement. As I have reasearched this topic, I have yet to find an incidence where some one has said "Man, I wish I had never done a cleansing juice fast. It ruined my life". I don't plan to be all crazy about it and I am very aware of how my body is responding. I am in no way writing this blog as a guidline for others to follow. This is just me, doing my thing, making my way.
I've thot a lot about how much I really wanted to share in this blog, and I decided that I would put it all out there. The more open and honest I am, the more accountable I feel. I guess that sharing more makes it more real and exposed. More real seems easier to deal with and address. Make sense? If not, just remember; I have been living off juice for almost two days.... Who knows what will happen in a couple more days.....pictures....??
So here are the physical issues I have been facing:
PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrom). That about says it. I have multiple cysts that grow on my ovaries etc. It is painful, causes a ton of hormone issues and other issues that we don't need to get into here. I think this is the main reason I have not been able to have kids and have had a very difficult time loosing weight. You can learn more here.
Endometriosis: While undergoing surgery to remove one of my cysts, my doctor found some endometriosis. I even have some lovely pictures to show of it. Now this causes real pain on a monthly basis. Also causes fertility issues and messes with hormones. Go here to learn more about that.
Hemmoroids: Nuff said. I'm not even going to put a link cuz if you don't know what it is.....just do some of your own reasearch. Needless to say, constipation is an issue I deal with on a regular basis and the discomfort and pain that goes with the little bobbins on my downstairs are a major source of irritation and pain in my life.
Headaches: Ohhhhh, the headaches! I wake up almost every morning with a headache. Let me say that this morning, I did not! I was very happy about that little change in my morning. I try all kinds of things to help ease the pain: LOTS of pain killers, massage, pressure points, essential oils, water, etc. I am also very resistant to pain killers and other medications, so I have to pound down tons of pills to get any relief.
Joint Pain: I have really bad pain in my knees, back, shoulders, and feet. Mainly my knees and feet. Of course, I am a mom and am walking around, carrying kids, cleaning etc. every day. This does not help things. The main reason for so much pain is my weight. My poor knees and feet are just tuckered out carrying around this much weight.
Fatigue: I'm too tired to write any more...... No seriously, I am always tired. For the past 3-4 months I have been naping almost every day. I can't seem to make it thru the day without a nap. I am always so tired. Again, see above issues that are adding to my fatigue problem. I know my poor health plays a part in this.
So, there it is. In all it's glory. Just two months ago I had my physical and the Dr. recommended I get on a program to loose weight, but as mentioned earlier in the blog, that is not so easy for me. I do feel blessed that I don't have other health issues related to my weight such as high blood pressure, high cholestrol, diabetes, heart disease, etc. So, I am going to take it back old school. REAL OLD school. Like when folks lived off fruits and veggies cuz there was not always meat to eat. And since I don't want to join the ranks of those who suffered scurvy while going to the old school, I am going to consume LOTS of fruits and veggies and the best way to do so is by juicing them and allowing my body to absorb the nutrients right into the blood stream.
Now, I know that juicing can be controversial. I know that it can be extreme. I know that people can be very opinionated on such topics. However, no one seemed to be concerned (or voice concern), or opinionated while I was stuffing my face with toxic sugars, fats, preservitives, and calories. All of which have done my body a lot of harm. So, I would ask that as I am making an effort to cleanse all that crap from my body, that I get support and encouragement. As I have reasearched this topic, I have yet to find an incidence where some one has said "Man, I wish I had never done a cleansing juice fast. It ruined my life". I don't plan to be all crazy about it and I am very aware of how my body is responding. I am in no way writing this blog as a guidline for others to follow. This is just me, doing my thing, making my way.
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