My Mary Poppins Trunk

There is no good reason that I am writing. No big plan to renew past resolves at eating better, no big plan to start exercising again. But, it has been awhile and here I am; lamenting my issues. I was thinking about my trunk, ya know, the one my pants strain to cover. I was thinking it was a bit like Mary Poppins' carpet bag.  She just kept pulling tons of crap out of it. How did she get a lamp in that sucker!?  That is how my trunk is.  I can just keep stuffing it with more and more crap and somehow, it all fits. And I am oh so good and stuffing more and more in it.

I hate being fat. I hate how I feel. I hate the physical pain I am in and I hate the emotional pain I am in. Yet I still feel SO helpless! I have tried almost everything that I can almost afford (most costly things I tried I really couldn't afford) It was all money down the drain.  I have a food issue and I feel it is just out of control.

Ya know how the phrase "I'll start on Monday" is commonly used by the tragically fat person. Well, I like taking that to the next level. Go big or go home (no pun intended). We just moved to Utah and are living in the basement of a friends house.  We have been here 25 days (except for the days that I was traveling in Oregon and Washington). For the chronically fat person, that kind of upset to the life is no fourm for dieting change.  So, I am bowing out of the intense need to loose weight until I move into my new home and all the stress and craziness I am living thru is over.  I am trying to buy my sisters TreadClimber so I can have something in the house I can just jump on and get the excercise thing done. I will work on the diet when the time comes.

So for now, I'm just here, fat, hurting, and unhappy with it all.