Dispair

So, I was listening to the radio on the way home from my therapy appt (yes, I am such a well adjusted person because I see a therapist on a regular basis. My background is in the mental health field so I feel I am just supporting my "peeps" out there) and there was an add for the latest and greatest diet drink.  I think it was a drink....they talk so fast and want me to be sure to note that only the first 100 people to call are going to get to participate cuz gosh darn it, if you are person 101, you are out of luck! No diet juice for you!!!
 Anyway, what grabbed my attention was the phrase "diet dispair".  Why, that could be me! However; any company that thinks that I am dumb enough to believe that only 100 people are going to get their deal is a company that is not going to get my money. But I did have a long thot with myself on my state of diet despair and here is what me, myself, and I came up with.
We feel dispair. I know, deep; right? But there is so much truth in such a small, little word. I have such a feeling of dispair each time I step on that stupid scale and it shows me a number greater than the last number it showed me.  I feel dispair each time I tell myself I am going to make good choices regarding food and excercise and I don't. I feel dispair when I think of what my husband has to work with...... I feel dispair when my 4 yr old tells me she doesn't want to be fat like me.  I feel a lot of dispair.
I'm a pretty religious gal and I truly believe that in the scriptures when Christ says that he will not give us more burdens in our lives than we can handle, I believe Him.  So all the more dispair on my part.  I believe that my Heavenly Father has given me the tools and strength to accomplish what I need and to overcome any challenge, yet here I sit....fat.....unable to overcome. I hope He doesn't feel as much disappointment in me as I feel in myself. 
As I type this I have tears in my eyes.  I hope this isn't TMI but I really want to be honest with myself and what I am going thru.  I figure that there are many more out there that have similar feelings about themselves as I do. I also use this as a form of accountability for myself.  Now I think everyone has read this and is going to be watching all that enters the main portal on my face. I want people to say "hey, look at Marilyn, she did it. I know it was hard for her (cuz she let us all know) and she did it. I can do_____ as well." It may be presumptuous of me to think I could inspire anyone to do anything, but; you never know.
So this has turned into a WAY longer post than intended.  And a little more personal than intended....sorry. But, I plan on using this more regularly as a way to find the strength and motivation to accomplish what is probably going to be the hardest challenge of my life. So heres to unloading my trunk of junk and shedding my cloak of dispair.